I just turned 42 today, and ChatGPT called me obese. In all fairness, it's right. It even said it's not like it's calling me that, it's the objective truth based on my height and my weight.
So what to do about it? Ever since I turned 40, I keep feeling like my body is starting to go downhill, and it has shown some little differences. My skin is not what it used to be. Not that I care too much about my skin, but it's an observation. I also feel like my belly is rounder. I've been overweight/obese, since I was in college, and I think that's probably where it started, but now my waist is more round than it should be, and that's concerning.
I don't think I was ever particularly fit. Even as a teenager I was kind of skinny, or skinny fat. I never had much muscle, but I was in decent shape overall until college. College was probably when I gained the most weight. Before that I had always eaten homemade meals and had a healthier lifestyle, but then I came to the US for college and I could do whatever I wanted. I picked up some bad habits. It's not as bad as drinking or smoking, because I don't even drink or smoke or do any drugs, but the thing that snuck up on me was the junk food and, I would say, the American lifestyle. Although I'm pretty sure there's plenty of junk in Mexico as well. I started eating fast food more than a couple of times a week, I started watching TV more than I ever did, and suddenly I was gaining weight and feeling dumber. My grades suffered, but that's a story for another day.
Ever since then I've never quite been at my ideal weight. Back in 2020 something motivated me to start working out seriously, and I made big progress. I lost probably 20 pounds or so. I look at pictures from back then and think, oh man, I looked alright, even though I never felt like I was exactly where I wanted to be. But I was very close. Then I lost that momentum, and slowly but surely I went back to my previous weight. This past month I hit a new record, 92 kilograms. Not by much, I've always been 90, maybe 91, when I was heavier, but it's a record.
My birthday is yet another reminder that time keeps going, and that it's going to become harder and harder to stay healthy. I need to make an extra effort, otherwise this escalator that I'm trying to climb while it's going down is just gonna take me further down.
So what do I do about it? I really started thinking, because I feel like I know everything I should do. I read books about nutrition years ago. At some point back in 2020 I hired a personal coach, so I have the routine, I know what works, I even have the diet. I have all the knowledge about habits, I've read the usual books, The Power of Habit and Atomic Habits. So why am I not doing what I think I should do?
For starters, I think I need to be a little more compassionate with myself and realize that in this modern life we can't do everything we want to. There's always some aspect of our lives that is going to suffer. A couple of years ago my career was going well and money was going well, at least in terms of income, but I didn't have much time for my family. Now I'm making a better effort to be more present for them, and that's going better. My career is still okay, not as good as a couple of years ago, but I'm doing well enough. But my health... Fortunately I believe I have decent genes, so I don't have any chronic illness besides really bad eyesight, but I wear thick glasses and that's about it. The problem is I've never felt like I'm as healthy as I could be. I don't get sick that often, but I feel like I'm at the point where, unless I take some action, something is going to break.
I started thinking about that yesterday, and I even came up with a little diagram to see how everything interacts. It's not as easy as saying "hey, start working out," or "you're lazy," or "you don't have any willpower," or "why are you eating so much junk food." I know everything about it. I know what I'm doing wrong, and yet I either cannot stop or I cannot start. Why is that? So I tried to look at all the interdependencies, how every little unhealthy habit relates to the others.
Take sleep quality. Sleep is something I never sacrifice, I always get my hours the best I can. However, I feel like I might have a bit of sleep apnea. My wife has told me about my breathing some nights, and that's probably because, you know, I'm obese. I think this is the first time I'm saying it out loud, but that's probably one of the biggest reasons. I started snoring in my early 20s. I think I could wake up more refreshed. I don't feel super groggy or tired all day, but I feel like I could have a more energy if I rested a little better.
Then there's testosterone. I've had low testosterone for several years. Probably over 10 years ago I got a blood test that said so, and at some point it improved, but I'm getting older and I'm pretty sure it's not great these days. I need to go back to the lab to check.
And then stress, the stress of modern life. Who doesn't have concerns about work and money and family and everything that comes with living in the US? In my case, stress contributes to eating junk. The other day I looked at my habits and realized that I eat healthy homemade meals most of the time on weekdays, up until 5 p.m. After 5 p.m. I'm tired and I'm not done with work, so what I end up doing is going out to Wendy's, getting a Dave's Double combo, and locking myself in my office and using that extra bit of fuel to finish my work. That's not a good habit. And I always default to something sweet, or not the healthiest choice on the menu, because I like it. I mean, who doesn't? We've been tricked by the food industry into wanting all the things that are unhealthy for us, even when they're labeled as fresh and healthy and low calorie.
So yeah, stress leads to stress eating. You can see the cycle: sleep leads to stress, stress to eating, eating to obesity, and obesity reduces the quality of sleep.
I made the diagram just to try to understand, visually and for the first time, everything that's happening in this reinforcing system. It's the kind of system that doesn't let me change one aspect drastically, because it never sticks.
So here we go again. I'm gonna try once more, but this time I'm gonna look at the specific little things I can do to start improving the whole system, bit by bit, consistently, until I can fix it. We'll see how it goes.